Once you become pregnant you sometimes see friends slowly drift away. Some are faster than others, and for the most part it's for the best. But just because it's for the best doesn't make it any easier. Re-evaluating who you have in your life (friends, family...) is something that will constantly be on your mind. You want to surround yourself with supportive, helpful people. Some relationships will grow and prosper and other will diminish.
The first ones that fall off of the list at the ones that have no depth. You know, the friends that you only hung out with on the weekend, doing what single ladies do- go out. Those friends aren't so hard to see go by the way side, as it's easy to see they aren't in the same place in their life. You wish them well and move about with your day.
Next are the friends that are in serious relationships, but may not have children, may not like children, or their relationship hasn't progressed towards that next step (which is all fine, I don't judge). Those friends are slightly harder to let go of because they are usually around for the initial excitement or the announcement (while you are still feeling normal), but if something changes in their relationship (like a break up) chances are your relationship will go by the wayside. A lot of the time you hear people say "why can't they just be happy for me?", and chances are they want to be but are too focused on their own life at the time.
I think some of the hardest decisions you make about friendships comes after you have your child- or at least it was for me. During the pregnancy you have so much going on that those two type of friends that I mentioned previously don't make a major impact. The friends that leave your life after a child usually are the ones you chose to let go of. Now that you're a parent you need to see value in the friendship because it takes time away from you family. If it's not a healthy relationship then you need to cut the cord. And that sucks, but you are in charge of who your child is around. If that friend doesn't make you happy, and you wouldn't trust them with your child's life- then you have to let them go.
I've never been the type of girl that had a million friends. I've always had 2-3 close friends that varied greatly in their personalities. I share a lot with my friends and can't imagine having to call 20 girls to tell them the same thing. So when I lost friends before and after pregnancy it was pretty sad. But now that my son is 3 I'm glad I can look back and know that it was for the best. Sometimes you grow out of friends because your life just changes (beyond children, marriage..) but you'll always make new ones that fit your lifestyle and what you are looking for as you are getting older and wiser.
I'm so thankful for the friendships that I have created here in Phoenix. I just moved here 3 years ago and already I have gained two best friends. They are both very different women and I love that variation. But I want women to know that if you are going through this right now, know that there is a reason, and sometimes that reason totally sucks, and you may not see why for sometime- but eventually you will. And you WILL meet new friends, especially after a child. They will go to daycare and make friends and you will make friends with their mothers. You will return to work and will have friends there. You will go to the park and meet someone. There are all kinds of ways you end up meeting new friends. Motherhood opens you up in wonderful ways, so have faith.
Stephanie
